Job Descriptions: Consistently Bland, Frequently Horrible

As a recruiter, you read a LOT of job postings. You see everything from the amazingly brilliant to the average to the depressingly...depressing.

For whatever reason, recruiters really like to use dating analogies. Trainers and speakers really like them a lot. We use them mostly because they work and I can say that I have yet to see them swerve into cheap smutty jokes even once which is truly remarkable.

So let me start with the inspiration for this post which is the following job order I found online today:

                           

City	Austin
State	Texas [TX]
Title	AIX SADM
Position Overview	The services to be provided include, but are not limited to the following: A. Responsible for all AIX OS administration tasks. B. Perform AIX installations, upgrades and apply vendor patches. C. Write and edit shell and Perl scripts as necessary. D. Provide documentation for all maintenance conducted. E. Diagnose and address UNIX alerts and issues during system restarts. F. Work with HHSC Enterprise IT, ESP staff to create, edit and delete user accounts and security profiles as needed. G. Work with ESP staff to ensure compliance with agency security policies. H. Work with ESP staff to address any network issues associated with UNIX environment I. Other reasonable services as necessary to ensure that the tasks listed above can be successfully performed.
Requirements	II. WORKER SKILLS AND QUALIFICATIONS A. Proficient with basic and advanced system administration tools and processes. B. Fundamental understanding of operating system including file system concepts. C. High level of skill with most UNIX operating system commands and utilities. D. Thorough understanding of AIX 5.2/5.3. E. Work experience performing AIX installations, upgrades and apply vendor patches. F. Ability to write and edit shell and Perl scripts. G. Ability to diagnose and address UNIX alerts and issues during system restarts. H. Experience with server performance and tuning. I. Specific experience with creation of NIM Master for AIX required. J. Experience with AIX SAN connectivity. K. Experience with Solaris 9/10 is preferred. L. Experience with SUSE Linux Enterprise Server 8/9 is preferred.

After I thought about it for a minute, I realized that the reason there is no context or story is because the person that wrote the description probably assumed that the mere existence of the job was what made it inherently worthwhile. This used to be true about most jobs and might still be true about some jobs but people, especially younger people, are demanding more out of work and their employer. The best and the brightest will not make it through the third line before they lose interest.

Still, another thought occurred to me. Imagine you are looking for a mate. You do what a lot of single people do: you use a service and post a profile. You post what you are (or at least what you think you are) and you post what you want (or again, what you think you want). Imagine the kind of results you would get if you went down the same road as the job description above and instead of focusing on the kind of person you wanted, you simple focused on what you wanted them to do:

                           

City	Austin
State	Texas [TX]
Title	Female Companion (Adult Human)
Position Overview	The services to be provided include, but are not limited to the following: A. Perform all standard girlfriend duties. B. Attend occasional social events as a couple or in a larger group. C. Express sincere emotions on a regular basis with minimal negativity. D. Prepare, provide or suggest acceptable meals on alternating weekends. E. Initiate DTR procedures at intervals not to exceed more than once every 180 days. F. Cooperate with and promote existing friendships and family relationships. G. Maintain facades and secrets to the degree allowed by law and your religion. H. Avoid all contact with previous Female Companions, I. Other reasonable services as necessary to ensure that the tasks listed above can be successfully performed. .
Requirements	II. COMPANION SKILLS AND QUALIFICATIONS A. Proficient with basic and advanced beauty products, techniques and service. B. Fundamental understanding of typical male operating procedures and concepts. C. Maintain personal health remain free of all communicable disease (exceptions include: cold/flu, etc). D. Thorough understanding of modern dental hygiene. E. Ability to maintain current wardrobe and personal sense of style. F. Ability to maintain a personal domicile and all applicable utilities. G. Ability to avoid intimate contact with other male humans without supervision. H. Experience with basic sports terminology. I. Maintain personal vehicle including spare tire and auto club membership. J. Experience in gift and card selection strongly desired but not required. K. Experience coping with male inhabited apartments. L. Ability to make companion feel like "The Man".

If you actually posted something like that and sincerely expected to find "good candidates" it would not be hilarious, it would be pathetic, perhaps tragic. What about the dream? what about long walks on the beach? Don't you want to know if they like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain?

Are you a homebody? do you like to party or are you a health nut? People want to know these things about you and they want to know a little bit about your company and the job and why it might make a compelling human adventure.

What will it take to stop the madness?

Comments

[Robyn]

This post wouldn't be so funny if it wasn't true.
PS: I found you through your comment on Penelope's post.